GOIN' HOME

There’s a Contemporary Christian song out now by Daughtry, called “Home.” One of the lines is, “I’m going to the place where love and feeling good don’t ever cost a thing.” I like that line. You see, I went “home” to Wisconsin in September to see family and friends – “where love doesn’t ever cost a thing.” Life is simple there, uncomplicated, relaxed, and uncluttered. My roots are there. I left when I was 38 years old and Arizona is now my home of choice. But my “home” will always be in Wisconsin because my history is there. I was molded there by parents who loved me. I was married there. I had children there - watched them grow. My Christian life began there. Love comes easily there, without cost. I am loved for who I am – not what I have acquired or what I look like. It is always instant acceptability – I am welcomed with open arms.

Isn’t that how Jesus loves us? He instantly accepts us with all our flaws, all our weaknesses, and all our sins. His love never costs a thing. We can be who we are, as He made us. He loves the person we are – AS IS. We may have pasts that haunt us; we may have hurts that have never healed. We may have lost loved ones and have struggled to survive without them, inconsolable. We may rise up in anger at times and rail against circumstances, shaking our fists at the heavens, crying, “Why me, Lord? Why?” We may be so lost at times that no one can reach us. But there is the Lord, holding out His hands, willing to meet us wherever we are. There’s another song I love called, “God Ran.” I believe He runs after us as we deviate from His chosen path for us. He runs to us as we stray. He runs to be by our side when we weep, to comfort us as we mourn. He runs to us with His spirit as we pray. He runs to us, delighting in our laughter. His love for us is simple, uncomplicated, all encompassing and all accepting. He opens His arms and enfolds us, saying, “Welcome home.” Thank you, Father.

“…And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” Ephesians 3:17b-18

MY DANCE, MY DANCE TO COME

I have strange dreams. Sometimes I’m cognizant of them, other times not. This dream is so fresh and vivid – I remember every detail. I dreamed I was in a large hall with lots of people sitting around. It reminded me of our pot luck dinners in the basement of my home church in Wisconsin. Slowly, this spry-looking older man turned to me. It was my Grandpa Sime, whom I had sung hymns to in the hours before he died. My dear, wonderful, witty, slightly raunchy, child-loving, tobacco-chewing Grandpa Sime, but younger, healthier - glowing, in fact.

I threw myself into his arms, sobbing my joy into his now smooth, non-leathery neck. He just held me – for a long time. Then, almost imperceptibly, he began to move with me in his arms. I realized we were dancing, slowly, elegantly, beautifully. All else faded away. It was just Grandpa and me. I heard no music, but we were completely on beat. My tears died in the magic of the moment. Now, Grandpa was not known as a dancer, except for juggling children on his knee in “horsey rides,” and swinging us around in his arms while he sang a little Norwegian ditty. But this same Grandpa guided me as smoothly as Baryshnikov might have. Slowly the dream faded away, but recalling it the next morning brought me again to tears, and, with it, euphoria after experiencing such a magical moment. I had danced with my Grandpa.

I believe I will feel the same way, only exemplified, when I meet my Lord Jesus in heaven. I believe I will sob with joy at seeing his face. He will take me in his arms and gently hold me -my tears will be wiped away. And then we will move, in a heavenly, stately dance. There will be music this time; there will be saints around us, including Grandma, Grandpa, Mom and Dad and other loved ones who have gone before. My tears will dry and the euphoria will be greater and for all eternity. I will have danced with Jesus.

“Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” Jeremiah 31:13

TAKE IT TO THE CROSS

I’ve had a giant lesson in humility the past four weeks. I witnessed several miracles which changed my perspective. Some of you may know about the little hummingbird who built a tiny nest on a very small cross wind chime hanging on my patio. I have bigger wind chimes hanging there, but she chose the cross. Fascinating to watch, she would bring little bits of things, poke them in place with her beak and then tamp them down with her feet. When the nest was built, about 3 feet from my French doors leading to the patio, she would sit in the nest. I talked to her all the time and she became so tame, she didn’t flinch or move when I opened or closed the patio doors.

She sat there many days and nights, barely moving. Two days ago, two tiny little beaks peeked out of the nest. The Mama now sits on the edge of the nest and tends to her babies. Too little to chirp or fly yet, their little raw pink necks stretch out for her.

Witnessing this, I felt God in the process and I was humbled. Why do I worry so about external things? Why do I fuss and fume and search for answers? God is IN everything! (Proverbs 3:5-6) This little bird selected a tiny cross on which to build her nest. She trusted me, a great big human seated not far from her, to not destroy her nest or cause her harm as she laid her precious little eggs. The lesson here is…take it to the cross! There is no reason to fear life if our foundation is the cross. God is big and we are small, but He will protect our “nests,” our beings, our life if we have even the trust of this tiny little hummingbird, the faith of a mustard seed. (Matthew 17:20)

I have wept watching this little bird trust me enough to build a nest before my very eyes, so close to me, to sit there day after day, unafraid and patient, and then to feed those miniscule little upturned beaks. I know that if God cares for birds such as these, He cares for me so much more. (Philippians 4:19)

In the quiet of my patio, talking gently to this little bird, I am overcome with the love that God has for me, for you, for this little new family of birds, through the cross that He died on to save us. I feel privileged to have witnessed this miracle.

“Look at the birds of the air….and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matthew 6:2

ALL I NEED

We didn’t have much when I was growing up. Dad sold some corn at rock-bottom prices one December so we could have a meager Christmas. Mom stretched the food dollar as far as she could, supplementing her limited budget with garden-fresh produce in the summer and canned meats, fruits, and veggies in the winter. Chocolate chip cookies and one-scoop banana splits were rare luxuries. But I never felt deprived. We had enough.

I don’t have much now, either. I haven’t won the lottery. I am not (yet) a world-famous published author of renown. I haven’t saved the world from hunger as I planned to do when I was a teenager. I don’t know that I’ve made a difference in the grand scheme of things. But I have enough.

You know how sometimes you think you just need something new to perk you up? You buy something, but it doesn’t satisfy for long. It’s just another thing. At times like these, what we really may be longing for is closeness with someone, a view of fluffy white clouds startlingly lined with vibrant pink, contact with a long-lost friend, or quiet moments with our God. These give us the “filling-up” of our souls that we are really seeking.

It’s oft-times surprising how little we need and yet we always seem to be accumulating “stuff.” I have food, I have water, I have shelter, I have transportation. Most importantly, I have friends, I have family, I have freedom, I have my Lord Jesus Christ. What more do I really need?

God promised that he would always supply our needs. He says, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” That promise is limitless. WHATEVER we need, we have only to ask our heavenly Father. In 1 John 3:21 we read, “Dear friends . . . we have confidence before God and receive from him ANYTHING we ask….”

How often have you heard someone say, “God will provide.” Do we take it literally? We need to. God WILL provide all that we need. And his greatest promise to us is to supply everlasting life with him. In 1 John 2:25, we read, “And this is what he promised us – even eternal life.” In Christ, I want for nothing.

“ . . . Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.” Matthew 6:8b

Father's Day

FATHER’S DAY

Sometimes I wish I were a little girl again,
I’d climb upon your knee,
Show you my hurt and have you kiss it away.
With your strong arms to hold me,
Your fortress of love to protect me,
Nothing could ever harm me again.
But I am not a little girl,
And you are asleep in Jesus.
But I feel your presence
Near to me when I hurt.
Your fortress of love combined
With God’s care for me is awesome.
I thank God for giving me you –
To mold me and guide me when I was small.
I thank Him, that by His grace,
You knew Him before you died.
And I thank Him that all pain for you has ceased,
And you live with Him for all eternity.
Father’s Day for me is a mixture of pain and joy,
Pain because I miss you
And joy because you dwell with God.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad,
I’ll meet you later on.

How Did He Do That?

Spring is a time of renewal -- green spouts, flowering plants, and pleasant days. Following Easter, the ultimate renewal of Jesus Christ our Savior who was raised from the dead, my thoughts have turned to; “How did He do that?” Raised on a farm, I have a deep connection to growing things. About a week ago, a friend of mine helped me plant some herbs in my flowerbed-edged patio. I also planted some flower seeds and plants, loving the smell of overturned dirt and the sight of fragile, tender seedlings. All the while, I’m thinking, “How did He create the amazing variety of fruits, vegetables, plants, grass, flowers, trees, birds, snowflakes, people?”

I peeled an onion tonight and marveled at the layers upon layers of translucent skin. I saw my flower seeds peeking through the ground today. I planted dried up, brownish balls of nothing – now new, tender, green shoots that will blossom into riotous colors all summer. How did He do that?

My computer screensaver, to my delight, automatically pages through stored pictures of my children, siblings, and grandchildren. They all have two eyes, two ears, a nose and a mouth and yet they were created separately, individually. No one looks alike. If I took a piece of paper and drew a face, placed two eyes, two ears, a nose and a mouth, I can assure you they would all look basically the same. Not so with God. How does He do that?

He does all of this majestically, powerfully, uniquely – because he is God. The radish is not at all like the broccoli; dill doesn’t resemble basil; pumpkins look nothing like limes; cucumbers can’t be mistaken for onions. A rose looks nothing like a petunia. And I don’t look at all like Raquel Welch. (Bummer!) Think about it! He is the Creator. He made this beautiful, awe-inspiring world for us. He then gave us the ultimate gift -- He sacrificed His Son for us and raised Him from the dead, defeating death forever. Look around you today. Notice our world. If this world has beauty, try to imagine what His heaven is like. Then we might say, “How did He do this?” We’ll someday see His face -- and we’ll know.

“For by him all things were created, things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible….all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. ” Colossians 1:16, 17

Divorce - Destruction or Rebirth?

In 1993, two and one-third million couples married and one and one-third million couples divorced. Whether a divorce is bitter or amiable, the effects are long-lasting. Children suffer greatly. The emotions of all family members ricochet from one extreme to the other. Friends of the couple puzzle over where their loyalties lie. Self-esteem disappears and financial hardship can ensue. For me, my broken marriage took me on a journey from devastation to rebirth.

Initially, divorce indicates failure of one or both parties. Failure at anything is seldom pleasant, especially the failure to honor a commitment to another human being. Whether a union has lasted one year or twenty years, self-blame is common. When my twenty-two-year marriage ended, I blamed myself. I endlessly analyzed our years together, but came up with few answers and no assurance that, if I had been smarter or prettier or tried harder, the marriage would have survived.

Following my self-recrimination stage, depression came calling. The inclination to get up each morning, to eat, to speak deserted me. I wanted only to curl up in bed, with my head beneath a pillow and my body swaddled in blankets. Small talk with the rest of the human race exhausted me. Breathing became difficult and not always desirable -- it seemed easier not to breathe, to just expire quietly. Life went on everywhere else except in the protective cocoon where I lived.

In the midst of a divorce, children often are asked, verbally or non-verbally, to choose one parent over the other, to blame one parent over the other. In my case, I was the rejected parent. As a result, I experienced a hell like no other on earth. In a perfect world, time heals all wounds, but it doesn't always happen. Fifteen years after my divorce, I am still the "bad guy." And so the heartbreak continues. Our divorce also had long-lasting effects on our children. Two of them are divorced and one vows never to marry.

After our divorce, former friends either backed out of the picture completely or sided with one or the other of us. He got most of our friends; I got a few. This caused bewilderment and a feeling of isolation in me. Wasn't I the same person I was when I was married? Was I now less likable, less worthy of their friendship? Who gets custody of friends? Nothing is predictable when a marriage ends.

Then came the unanswerable questions. Am I still a daughter-in-law? How does that work? Do I telephone my former in-laws, remain in contact, or sever all ties? What are the rules? Is there a divorce etiquette book out there somewhere?

My self-esteem and self-confidence disappeared. I believed that no one would ever want me again. The success of my married years disappeared from my consciousness; I was only aware of the failures. Shame and self-doubt colored my personal life and my professional life. I had to make myself smile, to look people in the eye, to take part in conversations. I was surprised and distrustful when people spoke to me, when people seemed to like me. Money was scarce; I struggled to survive. I took menial jobs when I could get no others. My self-worth plummeted and thoughts of giving up flooded my mind. Gradually, though, my situation improved and my true self emerged from the rubble. To once again stand straight and proud took time, persistence, strength I never knew I had, and years of objective professional help.

Now I find there ARE advantages to being single: no disagreements over television channels; no interminable hours of Sunday afternoon and Monday night football; no wet towels, dirty socks, underwear, and other articles of clothing carelessly strew about and forgotten. No one demands an accounting of my finances or questions me regarding what time I will be home. No one demands dinner at 6:00pm on the dot. No one tells me I look fat in an outfit or laughs at my new hair style.

Conversely, there is no one to share in my personal successes or failures, my joy or my pain. No one wipes the tears from my cheeks, promising to make it all better. no one tells me he is proud of me; no one is there to love me no matter what anyone else thinks of me. There are no strong arms to encircle me, no broad shoulders to cry on, no hairy chest to rest my head upon in the deep, dark, scary night.

Divorce changed my life and not entirely for the better. The loss of my children and my friends, of my big rambling farmhouse, of my security, and of my self-esteem very nearly destroyed me, but these losses also birthed a stronger, more empathetic human being -- me. Today, I truly value my hard-earned independence and self-esteem. I am proud of my emergence from the suffocating cocoon of self-doubt. Life's experiences and lessons can be sobering, but, miraculously, my ability to laugh, love and trust lives on.

And the elimination of football from my life brings me great joy!