Even As She Sleeps

Eyes closed
Long dusky lashes
Against soft, pink cheeks
Mouth slightly open
A little arm flung above her head
Blonde-brown hair splayed upon the pillow.
I brush my lips across her baby-smooth face
My breath catches in my throat
At the beauty of her innocence, her youth
Yet awed by the premature wisdom shining from within --
Even as she sleeps.

I gaze down at her and wonder
If she dreams as her eyelids flutter
Does she feel confusion, hurt or pain
Or is it possible she is secure
Knowing she is loved beyond all doubt --
Even as she sleeps.

Are there questions in her mind
That can't be answered?
Does she love me as she did before?
As much as I love her?
No, she never could, not half as much.
My love for her bursts through my being
I will it to enter her mind, her heart, her soul --
Even as she sleeps.

I silently beg her to understand
Why I'm not there for her every night
To tuck her in, to hear her prayers
To protect her, to assure her --
Even as she sleeps.

I snuggle in beside her, kiss her once more
Pull her warm little body next to mine
My tears fall on her hair, her cheeks, her eyes
She sighs deeply, and seeking a more comfortable position
Turns away from me --
Even as she sleeps.

I touch her hair, she moves --
Her arms go around me
And I weep for something lost
Something precious to both of us.
I age ten years in one night
Every other weekend --
Even as she sleeps.
-1984